Sunday, 9 January 2011

Still Struggling

Over the past few months, I've learnt a few things.
  • A negative pregnancy test remains negative however much you squint at it, hold it in different lights or however close you hold it to your eye.
  • Stomach cramps may not herald the imminent return of a period, ovulation is about to occur or be conclusive proof that conception has happened.
  • Taking lots of pregnancy or ovulation tests, stroking your belly and thinking obsessively about conceiving don't make your chances of conception any higher.
  • Bad moods are more likely to be due to grey skies and the end of Christmas than a sign of PMT or pregnancy.

Despite the good intentions I discussed in my previous post, I've not managed to totally relax about our attempts to get pregnant. I think about it almost constantly. I've decide I really must get this in check, not only for my peace of mind, but for Alice too.

Some time ago, a friend with three children suggested you should consider every child you have to be your last. At the time, I didn't realised how wise this advice was. By thinking so much about the next pregnancy, birth and baby, I'm in danger of missing the stages Alice is going through. Regardless of whether I have another child, another 3 or no more at all, I want to enjoy Alice's development as much as I can. As I was reading Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner yesterday, this quote leapt of the page "If we can turn loose of our yearning to control what is out of our control, we'll have a chance to enjoy the blessings we have." (p56)

Unfortunately, my desire for another child seems to be more of a emotional need than an intellectual one, and so far however much I rationalise I find myself still struggling. It's good to have a challenge though I suppose.


  1. You seem so aware of the possible side effects of your struggles with trying to conceive. I have a friend through work who has been desperately trying to conceive again, ever since her first daughter was born 2 and a half years ago. One miscarriage later, she is still trying. I worry about her not truly realizing the value her amazing daughter as she obsesses about the 'next baby'. Good for you for trying to focus on what you have, even in the face of that longing for more.

  2. I really sympathise with your friend, I've been a bit overwhelmed by how powerful the longing for another baby is. It seems to be more physical than intellectual. I suppose that's biologically a good thing, but it can make it hard to focus on other areas of life. It's made a bit easier as my daughter is learning so many new things that it brings the focus back on her, where it should be!