I have been fortunate to have never experienced negative comments when feeding Alice in public before, so it came as a surprise to receive my very first from fellow breastfeeders. On two occasions, as I have latched Alice on, I have looked up to see a woman nursing her own baby with a horrified expression, and have been asked "How old is she?!" with an incredulous tone. One lady told me that her husband had said she needed to stop feeding her two month old soon otherwise he'd get too attached. She said she wanted to feed until three months "but no longer, or I'll end up with a nightmare like you!" Another woman asked me "shouldn't she be eating solid food instead by now?"
These comments bothered me far more than they would have done coming from other people. I wondered why they were judging me in a way that others hadn't. I think in part it is because of their own insecurities about nursing babies. I've been fortunate in that I have been well supported by family and friends. I attend a La Leche League group, and know my stuff when it comes to the benefits of breastmilk. Many women are not so fortunate. They feed in the knowledge that 'breast is best' or because they have a deep biological desire to nourish their child, but negative comments can get you down. Seeing a woman still happily breastfeeding well past the 1 month, 3 month or 6 month target they've set themselves must be threatening. When we're threatened, we often attack. I think that the disapproval they showed me was as a result of that they they had received.
Although my experiences were a little disheartening, and I must admit they made me a little more self conscious about pulling my top down to feed, I have been spurred on to continue NIP wherever Alice wants to, and to make sure I answer negativity with positivity and confidence. Hopefully, it won't be too long before nursing an older baby, toddler or child becomes a more common and accepted sight.
It's my Grandmother's birthday this week, and I decided it would be nice to send her a picture painted by Alice. I thought we'd have a go at potato prints, but we ate our last potato yesterday (we aren't as impoverished as that sounds, our veg box is due to arrive tomorrow!). I raided the fruit bowl and found a rather sad looking apple that was going to become a crumble. Looks like it had a higher purpose!Here are my top tips for potato (or apple!) printing with a toddler.
Get prepared Use a wipe clean floor or a large shower curtain taped to the carpet, and have a damp cloth close at hand. Make sure you and your little artist are wearing clothes that can get a little painty.
Make the printing blocks the right size They need to be be chunky enough to make a good clear print, but not too big for little hands to hold. About 7cm across is probably a good guide.
Keep the paper still Stick the paper to the floor with tape. I'd suggest using a few sheets of paper or one big one, as toddlers like lots of room to work with.
Model how to do it After some initial goes of smearing the apple around the page, I showed Alice how to bash the apple down and pull it straight up. She enjoyed hearing the sound it made, and we got some quite effective prints.
Use a range of colours It looks lovely to have more than one colour per print. You could also try adding a little glitter.
Relax! As with all art with small children (or anyone really) don't worry if it doesn't fit your idea of a good picture. If they are happier smearing paint around rather than making clear prints, let them. It's all about them enjoying themselves and experimenting. This is their picture. Have your own piece if you want to get creative, but allow them to find their own way.
Imagine you are living in a world where people communicate through an unfamiliar language, and although you are beginning to understand, there is a lot of confusion. Your own words are few and frequently misunderstood by those around you. You are beset by emotions that are too big for you to deal with yet, and sometimes the strength of them is scary.
It is all too easy to view toddlers' tantrums and shouting as mere defiance. To think that their sole purpose in life is to thwart whatever you have planned for them. It is easy to become frustrated and wish that they would just do as they were told. Taking a step out of your own needs and feelings for a moment, and seeing the world as it is to them can help us to remain calmer and more tolerant. Allowing some freedom to choose, to consider whether what we are asking is too much and to devise compromises wherever possible can go a long way to smoothing their path through a tricky time, and allowing ourselves to feel calmer.
1. See it from their point of view. A child who screams when having their coat put on may just be too hot. They don't know that the temperature will change when they get outside. Maybe try going outside first before putting it on, or playing a hide and seek game with their fingers.
2. Leave lots of time for potentially contentious tasks. Walking to the shops may take four times as long if you stop to look at every leaf and stone on the way, but it will be a lot less stressful.
3. Allow some degree of choice. Sometimes choices overwhelm children, but allowing some control over their day will make them feel a little less powerless. It makes no difference to you which shoe goes on first, but it might to them.
4. Distraction often works like magic. Breaking into song or playing pat-a-cake might be all that's needed to halt a stand-off.
5. Be aware of danger times. Tiredness and hunger makes us all grumpy, but is especially hard when you are small. Try to arrange jobs that must be done just after nap times or meals when your toddler is at their most amenable.
6. Talk to them. Explain what you are doing and why you are doing it. They may not understand every word, but they are starting to get the gist of most of what you say. If you're going to leave the park soon, tell them. To be whisked away from a task you were enjoying would annoy anybody, but some advance warning may help.
7. Listen to them. Even if they don't seem to be saying proper words, they are trying to communicate and it is only polite to listen to them. You might be surprised at how much they can convey. Even if you don't understand, they will at least feel you are taking notice.
8.When tantrums hit, stay close. Turning your back or ignoring the tantrum isn't showing your child that their behaviour isn't acceptable, it is telling them that they are unacceptable. Although a hitting, kicking, screaming child might seem defiant, they are just out of control. You wouldn't leave them if they were crying in sadness or pain, why leave them when they are overwhelmed with anger and frustration? Sometimes a hand laid on their chest, or just sitting by is all that's needed to let them know you are there to help. Naming their feelings is another useful way to show you understand and to help them recognise what is happening to them.
9. Enjoy your toddler. When you've had a particularly trying time, make sure you find some time to reconnect with your child. Taking a nap together while you stroke their hair, or playing a favourite game reminds you both that your relationship is based on love not opposition.
10. Take time for yourself. If you are exhausted and at your wits' end, you can't give anything back to your toddler. I know you've heard this advice before, and it's easy to scoff and say you've no time for it, but make time. It takes far less time than you'd think to recuperate. 5 minutes of meditation, 10 minutes for a cup of tea and a biscuit or 20 minutes for a hot bath. Try and fit time for yourself in to the day and your whole family will benefit.
